Support through the 12 Steps
Cancer recovery comes in all kinds of unexpected places
Initially, in the early stages of recovering from treatment, I did a lot of reading. I also drew, painted, swam, walked, and walked, and walked some more. I spent countless hours on the ground with my body. Something else I did to heal was to return to Al-Anon. For those unfamiliar, Al-Anon is a support group for friends and family members of alcoholics, for people who love and care about others who are dealing with addiction. People think you go for the addict, but the program isn’t about fixing others or getting them sober. Al-Anon helps people understand the disease of alcoholism/addiction. It also helps people look at their own part in situations because we all play a role in every relationship.
I’ve attended this support group since 2009 but my attendance had waned some in the 2018-2019 time frame while I was in graduate school and working. The pandemic, and then cancer further contributed to less attendance. I tried to attend online meetings a few times, even shortly after my diagnosis, and it just didn’t feel right - the virtuality of it coupled with the rawness of the diagnosis kept me at a distance. I kept me at a distance. Cancer it is intensely isolating, like addiction.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how I might be of service to others that may feel isolated by the cancer experience or other grief and loss.
I was grateful in-person meetings were happening again, so I went and was immediately reminded of the poignancy and reparative nature of the Al-Anon program. The beauty and magic that comes to life in community with others showing up, wholly imperfect, sharing honestly, struggling, facing good and bad experiences, finding strength (and tenderness), and most of all hope. Hope, if you’ve lost it, can be found. And while you’re feeling hopeless you can ride on the hope of someone else, the hope of others for a little while, until you find your own hope again.
In the initial years that I attended Al-Anon, it helped me learn about addiction and how to have choices in a relationship complicated by the choas of addiction. Over time, it helped me in all aspects of my life. And when I returned, it helped me as I worked to recover from the depletion of cancer treatment. I’m not saying that Al-Anon is meant to be manipulated as a cancer recovery tool, but I am saying that it wouldn’t surprise me if someone went that didn’t have a direct link to someone else’s drinking and still found applicable tools for difficulty, grief, or loss. There is a great deal of common ground between the disease of addiction and the disease of cancer, too. The 12 Steps are useful in so many ways and the Serenity Prayer, which I learned at Al-Anon, got me though many fearful nights when I would wake and feel dread about dying or upcoming treatment and scans.
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Of course, there are cancer support groups that one can attend. However, they do not always meet often and it can be nice to go somewhere that isn’t solely focused on cancer as the topic of the meeting. There is also a lot of death in cancer focused anything, so Al-Anon was a place where death wasn’t looming as largely. Also, Al-Anon meetings are typically offered multiple times a week and surprisingly, health (and even cancer) comes up in the readings, so I never felt out of place with my own situation involving cancer recovery or mentioning my health as part of a share. The people I’ve met and friends I’ve made in Al-Anon rooms are some of the most genuine I’ve ever encountered. Perhaps it’s worth considering if you love someone that struggles with addiction or if need support outside of this parameter for something equally hard, like cancer.
Find more information here: Al-Anon Meetings